Last night a miracle happened. For the first time in my life I truly know what it means to be blessed. My TC girls know this. I'm so glad you all were there. Yes I tweeted Jon that link as a joke...not even thinking he'd see it. But to my shock (yes I was shocked as hell) he showed up. Not even a few mins after I tweeted the link. Thanks to my webcam everyone got to see my reaction. My true reactions. You see girls that's what he does to me. And well..now Jon sees it too. I have to laugh. It just doesn't seem possible. How in the hell did I get that damn lucky? LOL When he entered that room and said "where are you shanna" my heart almost burst. And when he said "Dont' cry shanna I won't bite". My name..just seeing my damn name...made me feel so utterly fulfilled. I've had some of you tell me that he knew me. I just didn't believe it. I guess he does! But as happy as I am why do I feel like I'm not worthy? I just kept thinking why me?? What did I do to deserve that? Well I may figure it out. This whole time all I've ever done is share my heart..I've been honest in saying that I truly love this man. Though we've never met sometimes you don't have to be face to face to know that someone has touched your life. One day I'll get to meet him and get my hug but only now after this will it be even more special. I can now face the day knowing that Jonathan Rashleigh Knight knows who Shanna Marie Behmke is. Seeing him say my name filled me up with so much emotion. After all the stories, poems, blogs I've written after every thing I've done to show my love for him...he finally knows. I can only continue to do what I've always done.... Love him.

Love always and forever, Shanna

I can give it to you....

Ok so everyone knows that this blog is a mixture of real dreams and fan fic I've not had a dream about Jordan since I was a kid..too damn long ago to remember that shit. So I'm gonna make something up. Here goes!

There was a contest on twitter. Jordan K would do a private concert for the winner. Since he had a new album coming out..he wanted to use this as a way to promote it.
So, I entered of course and to my surprise I won. The contest winner recieved a phone call from J/dinner with J/and of course the private concert. I was excited to meet my future brother in law! LOL

Ok the day of the concert came and I got wake up call from Jordan Knight himself..singing "She's got a way" my fav JK song. We talked for a few and then it was time to get myself moving so I could get ready for the dinner and concert.
At 6pm a limo arrived at my home. The driver came to the door and knocked.."Hi you are Shanna Behmke?" he asked. I said "Yes sir!" So i got into the limo and headed downtown to the Galt House Hotel where they have a beautiful ballroom. I was dressed in black satin dress spagetti strapped with lace at the bottom a simple diamond pendant around my neck, and diamond studs. I looked...elegant for once. I was proud! LOL

I was escorted into the ballroom. It was lit only by candlelight. A piano sat up on the stage..candles lit on top. The consierge led me to a table beautifully decorated..and there sat a dozen roses. "Have a sit ms behmke, mr knight will be here shortly. Can I get you a glass of wine to start?" he asked. "Sure!" I replied. The consierge walked away to go get a bottle of wine, and there I sat by myself looking all around me and thinking what the hell am I doing here? LOL This is awesome but it feels weird I never win shit like this! But i figured hey its a once in a lifetime opp might as well enjoy it..and I felt beautiful and sexy.

The door opened and in came...."THE VOICE" Jordan Knight. I stood up...hands shaky behind my back. "Shanna, so glad to meet you.." he said. He gave me a hug and then looked me up and down and said "You look gorgeous..." "Thanks J..so do you." Jordan was dressed in black dress pants..and shoes..a white dress shirt..tie and a black leather tux type jacket. I'll admit J was looking hellafine.com!

So we sat down...began talking..dinner came..we ate..we drank blah blah blah.
He got up from the table came over to me..held his hand to me and said.."You ready..I'm gonna sing..whatever you want to hear..this is your night." We walked arm in arm up the stage steps..there was a chair beside the piano for me to sit on. Jordan sat down and started playing a few notes from I'll be Loving you. "So what would you like to hear first.."He asked "I'd like to hear you sing...tender love..then..how about she's got a way...and then we'll sing something together..is that ok?" I asked. "Sure he said..this is your night and I'm gonna give it to you." I blushed..

So he sang what I had requested...it was awesome...he's got the best voice. We sang a little duet together of "Stare"..it was wonderful and he said he really liked my voice. "Why on earth didnt you try out for JI?" "Jordan your ass wouldn't come close enough for me to try! I giggled and you STILL haven't follwed me on twitter yet you ass!" He smiled and laughed "Ok ok damn..I will..I swear!" he said. So the night went on and Jordan sang to me...and then it was time for the concert to be over. "Shanna hope you had a great time tonight.." "Yes Jordan I did..thank you..I've really had a good time with you..not at all what I expected though..but..it was actually better than what I expected." Jordan motioned for me to come sit on the piano bench with him..patted the seat.."Come here..sit with me for a min. So I sat down next to him...he turned and faced me..I faced him and he said "Would it be ok if I kissed you?" I blushed beat ass read. "Umm..ok"I replied.

Jordan leaned down and kissed me on the cheek first..slowly sliding his lips from my cheek to my lips. His lips were soft and sweet..he tasted like strawberry wine..(maybe because that's what we had drank lol) I didnt think i'd feel so good kissing him...cuz I'm a jon girl you know..but Oh my..Jordan kissed me with such a hot heated passion..we kissed harder..faster...he drew my body closer to his. After a few moments of kissing without one breath..we both pulled away..panting. I couldn't speak. Jordan leaned over to me and whispered..."Stay with me..just for tonight..?" I hesitated but only for like 30 seconds.."Yes."I said softly.

He took me by the hand and led me to the elevator that he uses to get to his suite without being noticed. He led me down a long hallway..at the end was his room. He pulled out the cardkey and opened the door, jokingly he said "Welcome to the batcave" I giggled. "You are nuts..ya know that?" The room was beautiful! A fire was already lit..a mink rug in front of it..I thought..oh shit..what is about to happen to me? Jordan closed and locked the door behind us. He motioned for me to come and sit down on the mink rug in front of the fire. We layed there on our bellies face to face stared at each other..and then he leaned over and kissed me once again. I quivered. Jordan layed me down on my back put his hard body on mine and kissed me..moving his lips from mine to my neck..soft quick kisses.

He reached down and put his hand under my dress and slowly rubbed my (insert). I could feel him slowing pulling my stockings and panties down..he took of my shoes..slid those off...and then stood me up. He kept kissing and nibbling my neck..shoulders..as he lifted my dress off..he unhooked my bra and his lips moved down to my breasts..(OMG Jon I so sorry! LMAO!) He nibbled my nipples slowly licking them with his tongue..I was in extasy. I had forgotten after 2 years what it felt like to be touched like that. So..I was naked..and it was my turn to undress him.

I unbuttoned his shirt first..and when his chest was exposed I started to kiss his pecs..slowly kneeling down to his waist. I undid his belt and unbottend his pants...and well...lets just say..if I dont get my follow after the pleasure he got..I'm gonna kick Jordans ass! LOL

There we stood both naked..he layed me back down on the rug..the feel of the mink against my skin felt like heaven..he layed himself on top of me..and entered me gently at first and then we kissed. The kisses alone were leaving me breathless. He whispered in my ear.."I'm gonna give it to you baby..." We both let out a moan as he slid himself entirely into me. He was so hard..I was so wet.

Ok gotta stop...I'm seriously getting hot here..OMG!

So this little story ends like this...When Jordan K says he's gonna give it to you..he really gives it to you..and BTW after we finshed..he rolled over and faced me and said "Shanna...TINK! I GOT YOU!"

Love Found A Place...

Well..out of the blue...I got sweet DM from Jon. I went a little nuts at first LOL But after I called Jen...I called my friend carolyn and I broke completly down into tears. Why? I don't know...however they weren't sad tears thats for sure! I just emotional because I didnt know how or why he DM'd me. It made me happy but it scared a little too! Don't ask..just did. Anyway, I had a hard time sleeping at first because the adreniline rush was so bad..but when sleep finally found me...this is what I dreamed. You will see how my crazy mind seems to dream up this crazy stuff when you read this! LOL!!


So the dream started on twitter (go figure) Like reality, I got a DM from Jon. But the DM said something I didn't expect to see. So this is how the DM convo started funny, sweet..and well..nuts! HAHAHA!!

JonathanRKnight: Shanna, I like you. ;)
@JonathanRKnight Jon, I love you.
JonathanRKnight: Well I can't say that back..yet, but I'm intrested I want to get to know you somehow.
@JonathanRKnight: Well I don't know how.
JonathanRKnight: Well, how about this..I dont want this going all public would it be ok if I had your number? Tweet me yes or no.
@JonathanRKnight (Ok I had to do this) I just called to say I love you..and I mean it from the bottom of my heart ;-)
JonathanRKnight: LOL I take it that means yes...ok but how am I gonna get your number w/o going public on this thing?
@JonathanRKnight Follow me...to the place where homes are built (wink)Go to HOME DEPOT Jon..build something! LOL
JonathanRKnight: Huh?
@JonathanRKnight Hey I heard HOME DEPOT is a great one to follow! Check them out!

This is funny, I created a fake homedepot account on twitter. So after a few mins he figured out what I had done.

JonathanRKnight: LMAO! Good one! Everyone knows I'd follow home depot noone will suspect a thing!

So he followed my fake account so we could DM for bit. I gave him my number and it wasnt long before he called. We talked...I was nervous but yet I felt at ease so quickly before I knew it the shakiness in my voice went away, and I was talking to him like I'd been talking to him like that all my life. Like just two friends shooting the bullshit.
He asked me if I wanted him to send me tickets to one of the NK shows but I told him no. I wanted the thrill of purchasing them myself since I had worked so hard and saved to do that. But I did take him up on his offer for passes for me and a few of my friends.

So, at last it came for me to finally meet him..face to face. (Some of this is blurry..it went kinda fast..but it ends great) I went to a meet n greet w/Jen, Tamz, Lori and Tirzah (of course we had our road trip!!!) I greeted him..got autographs like everyone else..except..Since Jon had given me passes..when the concert ended I followed the instructions he'd given me. Me and the girls met all the guys hung out for a while, but I was the last one to leave. Jen, Tamz, Tirzah and Lori left and went back to the hotel. I stayed behind with Jon. Dub, Danny, Joe, and Jordan retired to their hotels as well.

Jon and I stayed behind together. Talking..laughing..and sipping coffee. Before I knew it was 4am.

Jon:Shanna it's getting really late..I suppose we should call it a night huh?
Me:Well..I guess you're right, but I sure don't wanna go.
Jon:I'm so glad that I finally got the courage to find out more about you. I'm glad we've met. What do you think is going to happen?
Me:Jon, honestly I have no idea but wherever this road leads us..we're sure to find our destination together..as lovers..as friends..I don't know..all I do know is that I'm in love with you..I always have been, but now there is no doubt no questions, only the certainty that I've found the perfect partner in crime (I laughed)

Jon: (Laughing) See I knew I liked you for some reason..you have become a wise ass!
Me: Hey I learned from the best..jacko..LOL

(Ok so this is the part that had me waking up in tears)

We decided it was time to go..Jon hugged me tightly and I returned the gesture. He pulled away and took both my hands in his..and said "Shanna, I wanna make a promise to you..I promise that I'll always be here for you. Even if I'm miles away..gone for long periods of time with the band..Ive found something in you that I've never found in anyone else, and no matter how far we are away from each other, I've got you here (points to head) and I've got you here (points to heart)

A single tear fell down my cheek. He reached over and wiped it away. He told me to close my eyes..So I stood there eyes closed not knowing what the hell he was doing. I felt him grab my hand and I felt something slip onto my finger. "Open your eyes...I am giving you this..as a symbol of this promise I just made to you..wear it..take care of it..cherish it..and maybe one day..I can replace it with something even more special" he said.

Jon Knight put a promise ring on my finger. It was a diamond band engraved on the inside JRK/SMB. I could hardly compose myself at this point because this something never in my life had ANY man done for me. I knew at the moment that what Jon had said was completely true. He may not love me now...but he planned on loving me later.

Not saying one word because sometimes...you have to let your heart speak instead of your voice. I wrapped my arms around him. Drew my lips to his..and kissed him softly..I pulled away..said goodnight...and I said "Jonathan Knight...you always saved me..you did save me..and now I can look at this..and know that you will always...save me."


I woke up in tears..smiles..goofy I know, but its amazing. I have no idea what I said or did to get that DM. I wish I could figure it out. The first time i replied something goofy and stupid, but this time I am clueless! I now wear a necklace around my neck that says :Jonathan Knight:Frienship:Love:Admiration It falls just at hearts length..so when I need a little boost I can look down at it see his name and know that I'm gonna be ok. You've heard all this shit before..I know but it was uplifting for me to know that maybe for no certain reason he decided to say hello..I'm ok with that.

In honestly I'm not certain if in reality Jon and I could be lovers, but I do think we could be friends and well..lovers come..lovers go..and true friend would last forever..and I think that Jon and I would be true friends.

Ok I'm done LOL

Ok so this isnt a dream..but it is a wish..a prayer and a hope that I'd so wanted. I can't express my gratitude at this moment to Jon Knight for taking the time to say a simple sweet..hello. 2 Words..."Hello ;-) Shanna" Its' amazing how something so small..can mean so much.

His wise cracks make me laugh..his silly pictures..sharing his life with all of us..when he could be closed up in his home..pretending we don't exist. But he doesn't do that. Sure..he's known as the shy guy..the one who blushes but still manages to give a sweet boyish smile when embarrassed..just one of the many reasons I feel the way I do.


There is a mystery to this man...but a mystery that's worth wondering about. It's the mysteriousness of Jon..his funny wise cracks...his eyes..his smile..that keeps that dream of him alive for me. Sure, like anyone else out there I'd love to be that girl..the one that turns his head...the one that captures his heart..but..I'm ok with just knowing that he's here...he's alive and well...singing...drinking his iced mochas..sitting on his back porch staring out at the stars..I'm totally ok with never getting to meet him (but I will)as long as Jon..is ok..with being Jon.

I can't even begin to really express how I feel right now but I tell you it's gonna be hard to sleep tonight! LOL So anyway..I like write so I thought i'd share my excitme here instead of all over twitter. I have alot of respect for Jon so I wont post it public that I got a DM I'm only sharing this w/those who are closest to me. Because I know you girls are happy for me..and I love you all so much.

Shanna is heaven...she's feeling so fine!
One day..that boys gonna be mine! LOL

Love you all!!
Shanna

I took a nap earlier...and this is what I dreamed about.

Once again my dad was in the dream, but this time I think that he was there to let me know that he's watching over me.

I dont know why everyone was at my grandma's house but, my mom, my dad,my grandma, my uncles and aunts..and donnie. The dream was kinda fuzzy like..it was almost a dream but not a dream..hard to explain.

All of a sudden...everyone in the room disappeared except for me and D.
"D, where did everyone go?" I asked him. "Shanna..they've faded because you're faith in them has faded, but you can bring them back.." "Donnie..then why didnt you disappear? Why didn't I?" I asked. "Shanna you have a strength and courage and so much love that is built up inside of you..and that love..and you're love for me..is what kept us both here."

I wept. Donnie held me for the longest time. Giving me words of encouragement and praise. He was a true comfort. We talked for a long time. I told him all about my dad passing away, my mom's medical issues, my grandma's cancer, and the fact that my family was seperated by years of grudges and hate. Donnie reassurred me that just because he doesn't see me on twitter all the time..that he did truly love me. I told him I understood and no matter how frustrated I got..I would never...ever give up on him.

Donnie hugged me...I was crying on his shoulder..and he whispered..."I love you truly..my lover and best friend"

Then...I woke up.

Kinda sad..Kinda sweet..Hell I don't know..but..enjoy the read!

My Letter To Jon......

Dear Jon,

I've spent so many nights..thinking about what I'd say to you. Wondering if you would even care. You don't know who I am..and I really don't know you. But there's this feeling inside of me that just wont let me go. It scares the hell out of me because sometimes..I think I really am going crazy.

I miss you when you don't tweet...and I get worried about you. Silly huh? I never meant for this to become what it has for me. I never thought that my admiration for you would grow into this....I know without one question or doubt that I'm in love with you. Its because of that...I want to know you..I want to be there for you. There is a quote that I've read so many times.."If you can't get someone out of your head..then maybe..they are supossed to be there." I wish this wasn't true..but for me I feel like it is. There is a reason that God sent me to this twitter thing..and well..it was you.

If you really were to read this I'm sure you'd not be pleased at the thought that someone could love you without even knowing you. This is why it scares me..I'm afraid that I will let this go so far..that I'll compare every man I ever meet to you..and if they don't measure up..I won't give them a chance. I don't wanna live like that.

Jon my only wish is that someday I'll be able to meet you..and maybe kindle a special friendship..(sure there are lots of people who'd want the same thing) but I believe there is something here..you don't see it..hell i'm not sure if I see it..but I know God has a reason for this.

So, with no expectations...no high hopes..I write this because it's more than just some "Fan Letter". These are my true feelings..this is what my heart is telling me to say. Jon, sometimes we can't help what our heart feels..believe me..I didnt want to fall in love with you..I only wanted to admire and respect you..but to me..as silly as this is..I feel like loving you this way...is disrespecting you.

Never would I ever want you to be angry with me or think that I'm just some crazy girl from kentucky that likes NKOTB. So as I end this.....


Jon I love you, I admire you..I do respect you...and if that's wrong..then they can take my heart..and throw it away because it won't be worth feeling it beat ever again.


Love,

Shanna

My real life...Ddub Rub.

Ok everyone knows how much in love I am with Jon..however..Donnie has a special place in my heart..Hell..Donnie Wahlberg has my soul!! So..this is my little story..about me..and the sexified love..we could share. LOL

It was summer 2010. Me and the girls we're in Boston for a concert and meet and greet. I was finally gonna see my guys...hang with my girls..and party my little ass off! So, we were at the meet and greet. I hugged my Jon baby..kissed and hugged all the guys..got autographs..blah blah ok..LOL The last guy...was Dub..I hugged him so tight..he said " wow baby..that was an awesome hug!" "D I have 20 years of loving to give you..you ready?" He grinned that sexy hellafine.com grin. He said. "Girl..you smell so damn good..pretty too..how about we hang out after the concert?" I said "Sure D..I'd love that!"

So the concert kicked ass! We were rocking all night! D even gave me a special grin during "Sexify My Love". Chills went all over my body. A bodyguard came up to me..as the guys were singing their final song. "My dear..D wants you to come backstage and wait for him." "Ok!!" I said. So I was escorted to a secret corridor beneath the stage..to a breakroom. It wasn't long after that..the guys came in. D was covered in sweat.."You guys were awesome!" I said. They all hugged and kissed me again..and all but D left to get cleaned up.

D led me to another little room..a hidden room. "C'mon baby..come be with me for awhile." "Wait here..while I get cleaned up." He said. "Ok D..I'll be here. If you think I'm leaving..you are nuts!" I said laughing. "Be ready.." He said as he turned and left the room. The butterflies in my stomach were getting worse..as I thought.."What's about to happen?" I pondered the possiblities. Just as I was lost in my little daydream..."Shanna.." he said. I turned around there was D in nothing but a towel. "Oh..uh..." I said. I was speechless. He was still wet..the water was dripping down his chest..his stomach..OMG!!

D turned me around and said. "I'm gonna give you a very special Ddub rubdown..baby.." He starts to sing the BR song as he rubs my shoulders. (Is it hott in here? LOL) He kisses me gently on my neck..my shoulders..chills were all over me. He turned me around to face him. He cupped my face in his hands..looked deep into my eyes and kissed me softly on the lips. I could feel the passion stirring inside of me. "D...I want to make love with you..Is that wrong?" I asked. "No baby..not when the feeling is mutual." He said. "D..get ready because I'm gonna make up for 20 long years...of not having you.." I said. D smiled...and we kissed..harder..faster..deeper. He layed me down on the bed..on top of me..our bodies grinding together.

He kissed my neck..ran his tongue down to my breasts..kissed and suckled them. I could feel him getting "hard" (OMG am I really writing this!) He licked and kissed every inch of my body..I was writhing in anticipation. "D..I'm ready..." I said softly. He reached over and clasped both my hands in his. Held me down..and then..I could feel all of him inside me. It was utter extasy. Harder..Faster..and Deeper we went..lets just say..he gave new meaning to "Rise N Grind" (Dayum!) The big "O" came many times for me that night..D was in extasy too..because he kept whispering in my ear.."My lover..I love you..YUP" (Geez I'm cheating on my baby!! LOL)

A few hours later...it was over. D and I layed there together cuddling..kissing..caressing each other. "Shanna...you were wonderful tonight." He said. "D...so were you baby..and this is a night I'll never forget." I said softly. All of a sudden he started laughing. I said. "What?!" He said "What are you gonna tell your man Jon?" "OMG!..D..you are silly..Yes Jon has my heart..but baby..you've got my soul..and now my whole body." I said with a smile. "D I have to go now.." I said. "Shanna...please dont ever forget this night..and I know for sure..I'll be seeing you again." He smiled and said. We hugged and kissed goodbye..

Ok so now you know...Jon is my heart...but Donnie Wahlberg..is my soul.

I think I need to write some hott ones about Danny, Joe and Jordan..LMAO!!

ENJOY!!!