A Story.....A Dream....That is all!

Ok been a long time since I've done this..but OMG this dream was too good not to share.


Here goes,

I was on the cruise ship partying and having a great time. Drinks, dancing, singing man what a blast! Me and my TC girls were invited to join the guys VIP that year. We had a long conversation with Donnie and he graciously invited us all to hang close to them this year. So..we were on the lido deck..with NKOTB. I kinda hung back because seeing all those people made me nervous! We were getting jealous glares no doubt. The guys were singing, and entertaining the crowd..me and marcia decided to take a walk downstairs to the bar. As I turned to walk away, Jon looked back at me, and smiled and in his accent he said "where are you going?" "Umm downstairs to get a drink, that ok with you pops?" I snickered. He stuck out his tongue and said "respect your elders" I rolled my eyes and told him we'd be back.

So me and marcia took off, while the rest of the girls continued to party. We got our drinks from the bar and decided to take a walk..we stood there together staring at the ocean and chit chatting about the whole thing. Marica said "So what do you think of all this?, I mean has it really hit you yet that we're really here?" I smiled "Marcia girl I'm so lost in these moments..I have no idea what the hell to think right now" Marcia shook her head, turned to stare at the water, breathed a heavy sigh and said "I'm in heaven.." I reached over and patted her on the back.."Yes...we both are."

We finished up our drink and headed back up to the lido deck, I'm thinking we must've been gone for some time because when we came back up..jon was sitting there staring at the floor, cigarette in hand. I sat down in the chair beside him. I reached over and touched his face..he looked up at me..with those hazel eyes, so innocent. Its amazing that he's 41 yrs old. His eyes sure don't show it. I smiled at him, he smiled back. We sat there for a few moments not saying a word. I finally had to say something to make him laugh. "Jon you know you got a gray hair? You should dye that." He gave me the funniest look ever, cocked his eyebrow up at me and said. "hey now you ain't so young yourself miss thing." "Ah..that I am not but you my dear sir..make me feel forever 10 yrs old." He giggled "Shanna...you are a dork" I smiled really big and said.."and so are you..there..we're the perfect pair" He shook his head..and had to crack up laughing.

The party continued...well into the wee hours of the morning. Drunk girls..the guys were pretty tipsy themselves. I admit..I wasn't feeling any pain myself. Nikki, Tamz, Kaydee, Sarah, Abby, and the rest of the TC gang retired to their rooms, as so did the guys...well not Jon the insomniac ass decided he wanted to walk. I told the girls I'd be there shortly, I wanted to take a walk with Jon. All fell quiet on the ship..the silence..well it was so soothing. There...on the deck it was just Jon and me..peaceful...very peaceful.

We talked..walked and he held my hand. He confessed things to me ..things I don't think he'd ever tell anyone else..told me that he felt "safe" with me. Then he did something I didn't expect. I was leaned against the rail..staring at the water..just breathing in the ocean air..Jon walked behind me..wrapped his arms around my waist..he leaned against me..and we just stood there...quiet nothing could be heard but our hearts beating. I turned to faced him..reached my hand up to caress his cheek, stared deep into his eyes.."Jon...I love you." He closed his eyes..breathed a sigh and said.."Shanna...I love you too" In a rush of lovers passion...he kissed me. You can guess what happens next..

He took me by the hand..and led me to his room..inside I was feeling..this is so right...but so wrong..but my heart in the end made the ultimate choice..this was right. He shut and locked the door behind me..reached over and kissed my cheek, his kisses were like a butterflies wings..soft and tingly agaisnt my skin. He stared at me..and said "There's something about your eyes..why is it when I look at you..I see something I've never seen before.?" I smiled. "Jon, what you see ..is love" He hugged me tightly..and almost for a moment we seemed to dance..like we had the same song in our head at the same time. He started to kiss me..but this time his kisses were deeper..his tongue searching my mouth..his lips..wrapped completely around mine. I reached up and ran my fingers through his thick dark hair..kissing his face softly..running my finger down his neck to the collar of his shirt. I unbottoned the top button...then the second..third and so on. Until he was shirtless..I kissed his neck..slowing tracing a trail with my lips down his chest..to his stomach..he was shaking. I kneeled..reaching for his belt..staring at him with sweet seduction in my eyes..doing a ddub lip bite in the process.

I went down on him...softly he moaned..reaching down to run his fingers through my hair..I knew he was enjoying this. He reached for me to stand up...he turned me around..kissing the back of my neck. Reaching around the front to unbotton my shirt..one button at a time..he was in no hurry I assure you. He slowly took my shirt off..and now I stood there only bra on..he took that off...threw it aside..turned me around..and pulled me against him..my bare skin, against his. He kissed me..harder and faster...both of us breathless from the kisses.He picked me up..and layed me down upon his bed..kissing me ..from my lips..to my neck...to my breasts..down my stomach...it was every sensation a body can feel all at the same time. Neither of us could speak..we let our bodies do the talking..there were no words to ever describe what we were both feeling..well if I had to use a word..it would be passion...yeah..thats what it was...true, undying..passion.

He unbottoned my shorts..slid them off..kissing lower..taking off my panties..then I felt the warmth of his lips..upon me. His tongue on an endless search for just the right spot. I had to let out a moan..I was in utter extasy. He worked his way back up...and once again his lips found mine..then I felt him..push inside me..he closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. We kissed...so deep and so passionate ..my head was spinning...my heart was beating so fast..with every thrust...my body shook..in an endless tremble of pleasure. And the moment came...both of us...at the exact same time let out moans of pleasure...i felt his warmth rush inside of me..and then all at once..we stopped just to breathe.

He kissed me..so softly and tenderly..told me how beautiful I was..all I could do was giggle. He rolled off of me..layed his head upon my chest..covered us both up with a warm blanket..he was snuggled so tightly against me..this was heaven. I held him in my arms...played with his dark hair..and kissed him a sweet goodnight. "Sleep my sweet baby...I'm here and I'm not ever gonna leave you.." He reached up..and put his hand over my heart..and fell fast asleep as I sang sweetly to him. I layed there thinking...until I finally fell fast asleep myself. I giggled once or twice...at the thought..what on earth am I gonna tell my girls tomorrow! LOL

Then..I woke up..And THAT is a sweet ass dream!

Cruise 2011-A fan fic

Cruise 2011, just as we had planned our TC girls gathered together to hit the seas with new kids on the block. Nikki, Tamz, Sarah, Marcia, Tirzah, and all of the TC chickas met up at the port of miami to begin the adventure and weekend of a lifetime!

Ok gonna skip right on to the hot stuff that happens LOL

I had met Jon at my 5* in Hammond, but this time I got to meet him and spend lots of time with him. Jon and I were very compatable, we had the best conversations that weekend, drank, danced and sang together! He was amazing!

On the last night of the cruise we had a old time dress up dance night. Tuxes, ball gowns, tiaras the whole bit. I felt like cinderella that night. Sarah and Marcia and I after getting all gussied up in our dresses, hair swept up, and looking beautiful proceeded to the ballroom. We entered the room by staircase. We all three stood at the top staring down at the guys. Marcia looked down and low and behold, Jordan was glaring so sweetly at her. She looked amazing. Marcia smiled at him and Jordan made his way up the staircase took her by the hand and said "Will you dance with me" Marcia replied "of course". Arm and arm they hit the floor. They looked amazing together.

Sarah and I stood there talking about how great Jon looked (as usual) LOL Then at that moment, sarah smiled so big. I said "what?" Sarah said "Look down at the bottom of the stairs, I'm being stared at" I looked down and Joe was glaring at Sarah with his blue eyes so full of stars. They were like two stars! Sarah giggled. I said, well sarah, go for it! Go dance with Joe, I think he's about to ask you! We laughed! At that moment Joe swayed up the stairs like frank sinatra He took sarah by the hand, singing the way you look tonight, and asked. "My lady, may I have this dance?" Sarah smiled, "Yes joe, lets get this" LOL So, sarah and joe, marcia and jordan were on the dancefloor. I was so happy, smiling down at them. They were haveing the time of their lives.

I was standing there by myself now, all the other girls were off doing their own things. Then, a song played. The DJ put on stare by NKOTB. I smiled, I love that song. I hung my head down though, I hadn't seen Jon all day, I wondered was he out there in the crowd. Just as I thought he wouldn't appear. I felt two arms embrace me. I felt his breath on the back of neck. "Shanna..." It was Jon. I turned to face him..reached my hands up to caress his cheek. "Jon.." He embraced me tightly, and said "I've missed you today." I replied "I missed you too." Then he looked down at me with those hazel eyes, so full of love and said "My sweetest angel, will you dance with me?" "I smiled and said, "Jon, I've waited my whole life for that. I'll be sure and not step on your two left feet" HA! He giggled. "Damn I've really taught you the ropes of being a smartass." I said, "Yes and I'm so glad you have!"


Like cinderella and her prince, arm and arm Jon and I walked down the staircase to the dancefloor. Everyone stopped and looked at us. We smiled and giggled together. So, Jon and I danced to the song, staring lovingly into each others eyes. "Shanna...I've had the most amazing time with you this weekend, I didn't think it was possilbe to have so much fun." I replied "Jon all i've ever wanted was to see you happy, and have a good time, I'm glad that I've been able to do that." "Shanna baby, I'm so in love with you and I know you love me too. I know you're an avid fan of the NK but somehow I think you see me for the man I am..thank you for that." "Jon, I said. I always have seen you as just Jon, of course I'm a fan but I've always been your friend. And I always will be, as long as you let me." He said. "Shanna, (puts his finger over my lips) quietly says, sssh..kiss me." Jon leaned down and placed his lips on mine, so softly at first, caressing my cheek and pulling me closer to him. The firey passion could be felt all over that room, everyone stopped moving, it got quiet in the room. Donnie walked over to us and said "Jon, I knew you were gonna kiss her, I saw the connection you had to her right from the moment I met her..she's so perfect for you." Jon replied "Donnie, I feel the same way dude, thanks."

I giggled Donnie gave me a big hug and said "babygirl, you take care of him, he's our driving force and without him we'd be nothing." I said "Donnie, you don't have to worry, this man is my everything, always has been, always will be" Donnie smiled and said "You guys go have fun, I'll see you later ok" Jon took me by the hand and led out to the deck. We took a stroll and stared out at the water, the smell of the ocean was intoxicating. We stopped and just looked at each other for a moment. "Jon, I said this feels like a dream, is this real?" He smiled and said "Shanna baby its as real as the tears I've cried waiting to find someone like you. You're the girl I've dreamt about all of my life..and its hard for me to believe that you're really here..but you are..I see you (touches my cheek) I feel you next to me..this moment is so amazing. The tears welled up in my eyes at this point. I knew Jon was romantic, but damn!

He leaned over to me and whispered "Will you stay with me tonight?" I pulled him close my heart starting to beat so fast.."Jon, I will stay with you forever, as long as you let me." He replied "Forever isn't long enough to be with you."

So, haha we went back to Jon's room, made mad passionate love (you can make up your own fantasies) LOL He kissed me softly, drew my body close to his, and said "I love you..." I replied..."I loved you then, I love you still, you had my heart and always will" He giggled...and said "Now thats what I'm talking about" We rolled over holding each other and I said "Magical Places, Magical people...yup this is what love is all about"


THE END

So its a lazy saturday morning...on my 2nd cup of coffee. I got bored so I'm writing a story about hammond. Here it goes....


It was June 4th, 2010. My friend carolyn and I were headed to hammond, indiana for our first ever nkotb show. I landed us both a 5* MNG ticket. We were so excited. We considered this weekend carolyn's last hoorah as an unmarried woman haha. A bachlerette party for just us two girls. As promised to her, I prepared myself to beat my anxiety...I was gonna drive halfway to hammond.

I had been through every emotion possible up to that point. I was happy, excited, but scared to death. I wanted my moment with Jon to be perfect. I wanted to make sure..that he'd never forget me. So around 7 am that morning...we headed out for the road..and on our way to see our 5 angels sing.

We arrived in hammond 4 hrs later..got checked in to the hotel...had some lunch..stopped off at starbucks for coffee...and guess who was there? Just as I had somewhat expected...there was Jon sitting at a table by himself..sipping his coffee and looking like an angel with sunlight bouncing off his dark locks. Carolyn and I looked at each other. I leaned over and whispered to her "I'm going for it! I'm gonna go talk to him" She giggled "Shanna go for it girl..I'm right here with you..I've got your back"

I ordered my coffee first of course! But as I was standing there...I turned and looked at him...not staring but just enough for him to see me. He grinned. I winked and smiled at him..he motioned for me to come sit with him. I got my coffee and walked over to his table. He stood up..."Hi" he said. "Hi Jon" I replied back. "Care to sit with me for a while?" he asked. "I'd love to.." I said. Carolyn got her coffee and joined us at the table.

I asked him.."Jon do you know who I am?" He said "Yes I do..I'd know those eyes anywhere..I'm glad you're here Shanna" I smiled and let out a light sigh. I told Jon we were there to see the show and do our MNG with the guys. Carolyn butted in and made me laugh! "Jon, this girl loves you so much...she beat her fear of driving to get here to you..I'm proud of her." Jon stood up..."Shanna...how about a non MNG hug? You deserve one for that! I'm proud of you." he said. My heart went crazy! I stood up..and closed my eyes for a second...I wanted to savor that moment. He hugged me for the longest time. It was like no one else was there but me and him. I tell you meeting him this way was priceless because it was more personable.

He sat and talked to us for the longest time! We talked about everything! He asked me lots of questions about me. I was so loving just getting to share things with him. "So what are you ladies gonna do today before the concert?" he asked "I have no idea Jon I've never been here...dont what there is to do here." "Well, why don't we see a movie or something?" he asked. I looked at carolyn and smiled We said "Sure! Why not?!" So we found a local newspaper to find a movie and a theater to go to. When we decided..he got up and hugged us both. "You can follow me so you don't get lost" he said. "Ok will do!" I replied.

Ok this story is gonna get too long! LOL
Anyway, We met Jon at the movies I got sit next to him..and we shared popcorn! LOL It was awesome getting that time with him. But alas, it had to come to an end. It was about 4 pm. We had to go get ready for the concert! He hugged us both and said he'd see us at the MNG. He kissed me on the cheek and said thank you for spending time with him..it was fun. I smiled and said thank you too.

Carolyn and I headed back to the hotel to get ready. The excitement was even more better since I had gotten to meet him unexpectedly. It only made the day more special. But what happned at the MNG I was not prepared for!

To make a long story short...

Jon Knight hugged me...kissed me softly..and when the song "stare" came on..he danced with me. He said "I hope that I've made you happy...I thank you for loving me so much..I love you too" "Jon...just like everytime..you saved me..but this time..you've saved me forever."


So we rocked it out all night to NKOTB had the time of our lives! Jon sang step 5 that night too! I think he did it for me. Because when he sang it...he looked right at me. I shook my head and mouthed..."yes it has..."


Ok then end! This isn't really gonna happen but its a nice dream to have!

Jonathan Rashleigh Knight-My Grace My First Love-My Hero

One moment of heaven I will spend with you.
One touch will forever see me through.
Everything I've ever prayed for I will find in your embrace.
If only now you could see the smile thats on my face.

Just the very thought of you fills my soul with peace.
Your humor and mysterious ways seem to set my heart at ease.
You always find me when I'm lost and alone.
You save me everytime...you always bring me home.

I could never thank God enough.
For all the graciousness of your love.
You inspire me to be more than I thought I could be.
Thank you for being there..for helping me to be me.

Quirky and spunky funny and sweet.
You've charmed this girl way beyond belief.
So many years this love for you has grown.
You are the greatest man I've ever known.

I guess you saw something in the tears I cried that night.
You tried to make me laugh..you only wanted to make it right.
I can't help but be filled with emotion that's why I cry.
But when you saw me...you saw the love...in my eyes.

So my angel...my sweet man..I'm by far your greatest fan.
A friend...a woman who will love you without end.

I love you...Thank You for always saving me.


Always and Forever,

Shanna

I say goodbye...but its not forever..my love is true and will leave you never..but for now..I let go only because..I love you so.

I wish I could explain...how my heart feels when I see your name.
Something magical comes over me.
My heart pounds silently but ever so fast...how long will these feelings last?
Its in your life..I've always wanted to be.

Tears have filled my eyes...made be so love blind.
I've had dreams...gotten lost in your eyes..
Its not the dream I'm looking for..its the love I'm trying to find.

For a sweet time I felt I'd found everything I'd ever needed in you.
But now I've come to see...those visions were only a sweet preception.
My love for you..well it was just a dream...it was a lovers deception.

So with a heavy heart...and a broken down soul..
I write one last poem to just let you know...
I loved you...you already knew.
You proved that..for one moment I felt special.
I felt like I stood out from the crowd.
I felt loved...I sure felt proud.

But not anymore....I will love you still.
Support you..be your friend..
In spirit..in my heart...for me..this love is never gonna end.

So goodbye my angel...my saving grace.
I'm hoping someday soon..I can say "I love You" to your face...
But if you look into my eyes..and you see the woman inside...
Maybe you'll know just what every word I've said means.


See you in Hammond...



Always and Forever,
providing you full service with love and respect since 1989.


Shanna

Last night a miracle happened. For the first time in my life I truly know what it means to be blessed. My TC girls know this. I'm so glad you all were there. Yes I tweeted Jon that link as a joke...not even thinking he'd see it. But to my shock (yes I was shocked as hell) he showed up. Not even a few mins after I tweeted the link. Thanks to my webcam everyone got to see my reaction. My true reactions. You see girls that's what he does to me. And well..now Jon sees it too. I have to laugh. It just doesn't seem possible. How in the hell did I get that damn lucky? LOL When he entered that room and said "where are you shanna" my heart almost burst. And when he said "Dont' cry shanna I won't bite". My name..just seeing my damn name...made me feel so utterly fulfilled. I've had some of you tell me that he knew me. I just didn't believe it. I guess he does! But as happy as I am why do I feel like I'm not worthy? I just kept thinking why me?? What did I do to deserve that? Well I may figure it out. This whole time all I've ever done is share my heart..I've been honest in saying that I truly love this man. Though we've never met sometimes you don't have to be face to face to know that someone has touched your life. One day I'll get to meet him and get my hug but only now after this will it be even more special. I can now face the day knowing that Jonathan Rashleigh Knight knows who Shanna Marie Behmke is. Seeing him say my name filled me up with so much emotion. After all the stories, poems, blogs I've written after every thing I've done to show my love for him...he finally knows. I can only continue to do what I've always done.... Love him.

Love always and forever, Shanna

I can give it to you....

Ok so everyone knows that this blog is a mixture of real dreams and fan fic I've not had a dream about Jordan since I was a kid..too damn long ago to remember that shit. So I'm gonna make something up. Here goes!

There was a contest on twitter. Jordan K would do a private concert for the winner. Since he had a new album coming out..he wanted to use this as a way to promote it.
So, I entered of course and to my surprise I won. The contest winner recieved a phone call from J/dinner with J/and of course the private concert. I was excited to meet my future brother in law! LOL

Ok the day of the concert came and I got wake up call from Jordan Knight himself..singing "She's got a way" my fav JK song. We talked for a few and then it was time to get myself moving so I could get ready for the dinner and concert.
At 6pm a limo arrived at my home. The driver came to the door and knocked.."Hi you are Shanna Behmke?" he asked. I said "Yes sir!" So i got into the limo and headed downtown to the Galt House Hotel where they have a beautiful ballroom. I was dressed in black satin dress spagetti strapped with lace at the bottom a simple diamond pendant around my neck, and diamond studs. I looked...elegant for once. I was proud! LOL

I was escorted into the ballroom. It was lit only by candlelight. A piano sat up on the stage..candles lit on top. The consierge led me to a table beautifully decorated..and there sat a dozen roses. "Have a sit ms behmke, mr knight will be here shortly. Can I get you a glass of wine to start?" he asked. "Sure!" I replied. The consierge walked away to go get a bottle of wine, and there I sat by myself looking all around me and thinking what the hell am I doing here? LOL This is awesome but it feels weird I never win shit like this! But i figured hey its a once in a lifetime opp might as well enjoy it..and I felt beautiful and sexy.

The door opened and in came...."THE VOICE" Jordan Knight. I stood up...hands shaky behind my back. "Shanna, so glad to meet you.." he said. He gave me a hug and then looked me up and down and said "You look gorgeous..." "Thanks J..so do you." Jordan was dressed in black dress pants..and shoes..a white dress shirt..tie and a black leather tux type jacket. I'll admit J was looking hellafine.com!

So we sat down...began talking..dinner came..we ate..we drank blah blah blah.
He got up from the table came over to me..held his hand to me and said.."You ready..I'm gonna sing..whatever you want to hear..this is your night." We walked arm in arm up the stage steps..there was a chair beside the piano for me to sit on. Jordan sat down and started playing a few notes from I'll be Loving you. "So what would you like to hear first.."He asked "I'd like to hear you sing...tender love..then..how about she's got a way...and then we'll sing something together..is that ok?" I asked. "Sure he said..this is your night and I'm gonna give it to you." I blushed..

So he sang what I had requested...it was awesome...he's got the best voice. We sang a little duet together of "Stare"..it was wonderful and he said he really liked my voice. "Why on earth didnt you try out for JI?" "Jordan your ass wouldn't come close enough for me to try! I giggled and you STILL haven't follwed me on twitter yet you ass!" He smiled and laughed "Ok ok damn..I will..I swear!" he said. So the night went on and Jordan sang to me...and then it was time for the concert to be over. "Shanna hope you had a great time tonight.." "Yes Jordan I did..thank you..I've really had a good time with you..not at all what I expected though..but..it was actually better than what I expected." Jordan motioned for me to come sit on the piano bench with him..patted the seat.."Come here..sit with me for a min. So I sat down next to him...he turned and faced me..I faced him and he said "Would it be ok if I kissed you?" I blushed beat ass read. "Umm..ok"I replied.

Jordan leaned down and kissed me on the cheek first..slowly sliding his lips from my cheek to my lips. His lips were soft and sweet..he tasted like strawberry wine..(maybe because that's what we had drank lol) I didnt think i'd feel so good kissing him...cuz I'm a jon girl you know..but Oh my..Jordan kissed me with such a hot heated passion..we kissed harder..faster...he drew my body closer to his. After a few moments of kissing without one breath..we both pulled away..panting. I couldn't speak. Jordan leaned over to me and whispered..."Stay with me..just for tonight..?" I hesitated but only for like 30 seconds.."Yes."I said softly.

He took me by the hand and led me to the elevator that he uses to get to his suite without being noticed. He led me down a long hallway..at the end was his room. He pulled out the cardkey and opened the door, jokingly he said "Welcome to the batcave" I giggled. "You are nuts..ya know that?" The room was beautiful! A fire was already lit..a mink rug in front of it..I thought..oh shit..what is about to happen to me? Jordan closed and locked the door behind us. He motioned for me to come and sit down on the mink rug in front of the fire. We layed there on our bellies face to face stared at each other..and then he leaned over and kissed me once again. I quivered. Jordan layed me down on my back put his hard body on mine and kissed me..moving his lips from mine to my neck..soft quick kisses.

He reached down and put his hand under my dress and slowly rubbed my (insert). I could feel him slowing pulling my stockings and panties down..he took of my shoes..slid those off...and then stood me up. He kept kissing and nibbling my neck..shoulders..as he lifted my dress off..he unhooked my bra and his lips moved down to my breasts..(OMG Jon I so sorry! LMAO!) He nibbled my nipples slowly licking them with his tongue..I was in extasy. I had forgotten after 2 years what it felt like to be touched like that. So..I was naked..and it was my turn to undress him.

I unbuttoned his shirt first..and when his chest was exposed I started to kiss his pecs..slowly kneeling down to his waist. I undid his belt and unbottend his pants...and well...lets just say..if I dont get my follow after the pleasure he got..I'm gonna kick Jordans ass! LOL

There we stood both naked..he layed me back down on the rug..the feel of the mink against my skin felt like heaven..he layed himself on top of me..and entered me gently at first and then we kissed. The kisses alone were leaving me breathless. He whispered in my ear.."I'm gonna give it to you baby..." We both let out a moan as he slid himself entirely into me. He was so hard..I was so wet.

Ok gotta stop...I'm seriously getting hot here..OMG!

So this little story ends like this...When Jordan K says he's gonna give it to you..he really gives it to you..and BTW after we finshed..he rolled over and faced me and said "Shanna...TINK! I GOT YOU!"

Love Found A Place...

Well..out of the blue...I got sweet DM from Jon. I went a little nuts at first LOL But after I called Jen...I called my friend carolyn and I broke completly down into tears. Why? I don't know...however they weren't sad tears thats for sure! I just emotional because I didnt know how or why he DM'd me. It made me happy but it scared a little too! Don't ask..just did. Anyway, I had a hard time sleeping at first because the adreniline rush was so bad..but when sleep finally found me...this is what I dreamed. You will see how my crazy mind seems to dream up this crazy stuff when you read this! LOL!!


So the dream started on twitter (go figure) Like reality, I got a DM from Jon. But the DM said something I didn't expect to see. So this is how the DM convo started funny, sweet..and well..nuts! HAHAHA!!

JonathanRKnight: Shanna, I like you. ;)
@JonathanRKnight Jon, I love you.
JonathanRKnight: Well I can't say that back..yet, but I'm intrested I want to get to know you somehow.
@JonathanRKnight: Well I don't know how.
JonathanRKnight: Well, how about this..I dont want this going all public would it be ok if I had your number? Tweet me yes or no.
@JonathanRKnight (Ok I had to do this) I just called to say I love you..and I mean it from the bottom of my heart ;-)
JonathanRKnight: LOL I take it that means yes...ok but how am I gonna get your number w/o going public on this thing?
@JonathanRKnight Follow me...to the place where homes are built (wink)Go to HOME DEPOT Jon..build something! LOL
JonathanRKnight: Huh?
@JonathanRKnight Hey I heard HOME DEPOT is a great one to follow! Check them out!

This is funny, I created a fake homedepot account on twitter. So after a few mins he figured out what I had done.

JonathanRKnight: LMAO! Good one! Everyone knows I'd follow home depot noone will suspect a thing!

So he followed my fake account so we could DM for bit. I gave him my number and it wasnt long before he called. We talked...I was nervous but yet I felt at ease so quickly before I knew it the shakiness in my voice went away, and I was talking to him like I'd been talking to him like that all my life. Like just two friends shooting the bullshit.
He asked me if I wanted him to send me tickets to one of the NK shows but I told him no. I wanted the thrill of purchasing them myself since I had worked so hard and saved to do that. But I did take him up on his offer for passes for me and a few of my friends.

So, at last it came for me to finally meet him..face to face. (Some of this is blurry..it went kinda fast..but it ends great) I went to a meet n greet w/Jen, Tamz, Lori and Tirzah (of course we had our road trip!!!) I greeted him..got autographs like everyone else..except..Since Jon had given me passes..when the concert ended I followed the instructions he'd given me. Me and the girls met all the guys hung out for a while, but I was the last one to leave. Jen, Tamz, Tirzah and Lori left and went back to the hotel. I stayed behind with Jon. Dub, Danny, Joe, and Jordan retired to their hotels as well.

Jon and I stayed behind together. Talking..laughing..and sipping coffee. Before I knew it was 4am.

Jon:Shanna it's getting really late..I suppose we should call it a night huh?
Me:Well..I guess you're right, but I sure don't wanna go.
Jon:I'm so glad that I finally got the courage to find out more about you. I'm glad we've met. What do you think is going to happen?
Me:Jon, honestly I have no idea but wherever this road leads us..we're sure to find our destination together..as lovers..as friends..I don't know..all I do know is that I'm in love with you..I always have been, but now there is no doubt no questions, only the certainty that I've found the perfect partner in crime (I laughed)

Jon: (Laughing) See I knew I liked you for some reason..you have become a wise ass!
Me: Hey I learned from the best..jacko..LOL

(Ok so this is the part that had me waking up in tears)

We decided it was time to go..Jon hugged me tightly and I returned the gesture. He pulled away and took both my hands in his..and said "Shanna, I wanna make a promise to you..I promise that I'll always be here for you. Even if I'm miles away..gone for long periods of time with the band..Ive found something in you that I've never found in anyone else, and no matter how far we are away from each other, I've got you here (points to head) and I've got you here (points to heart)

A single tear fell down my cheek. He reached over and wiped it away. He told me to close my eyes..So I stood there eyes closed not knowing what the hell he was doing. I felt him grab my hand and I felt something slip onto my finger. "Open your eyes...I am giving you this..as a symbol of this promise I just made to you..wear it..take care of it..cherish it..and maybe one day..I can replace it with something even more special" he said.

Jon Knight put a promise ring on my finger. It was a diamond band engraved on the inside JRK/SMB. I could hardly compose myself at this point because this something never in my life had ANY man done for me. I knew at the moment that what Jon had said was completely true. He may not love me now...but he planned on loving me later.

Not saying one word because sometimes...you have to let your heart speak instead of your voice. I wrapped my arms around him. Drew my lips to his..and kissed him softly..I pulled away..said goodnight...and I said "Jonathan Knight...you always saved me..you did save me..and now I can look at this..and know that you will always...save me."


I woke up in tears..smiles..goofy I know, but its amazing. I have no idea what I said or did to get that DM. I wish I could figure it out. The first time i replied something goofy and stupid, but this time I am clueless! I now wear a necklace around my neck that says :Jonathan Knight:Frienship:Love:Admiration It falls just at hearts length..so when I need a little boost I can look down at it see his name and know that I'm gonna be ok. You've heard all this shit before..I know but it was uplifting for me to know that maybe for no certain reason he decided to say hello..I'm ok with that.

In honestly I'm not certain if in reality Jon and I could be lovers, but I do think we could be friends and well..lovers come..lovers go..and true friend would last forever..and I think that Jon and I would be true friends.

Ok I'm done LOL

Ok so this isnt a dream..but it is a wish..a prayer and a hope that I'd so wanted. I can't express my gratitude at this moment to Jon Knight for taking the time to say a simple sweet..hello. 2 Words..."Hello ;-) Shanna" Its' amazing how something so small..can mean so much.

His wise cracks make me laugh..his silly pictures..sharing his life with all of us..when he could be closed up in his home..pretending we don't exist. But he doesn't do that. Sure..he's known as the shy guy..the one who blushes but still manages to give a sweet boyish smile when embarrassed..just one of the many reasons I feel the way I do.


There is a mystery to this man...but a mystery that's worth wondering about. It's the mysteriousness of Jon..his funny wise cracks...his eyes..his smile..that keeps that dream of him alive for me. Sure, like anyone else out there I'd love to be that girl..the one that turns his head...the one that captures his heart..but..I'm ok with just knowing that he's here...he's alive and well...singing...drinking his iced mochas..sitting on his back porch staring out at the stars..I'm totally ok with never getting to meet him (but I will)as long as Jon..is ok..with being Jon.

I can't even begin to really express how I feel right now but I tell you it's gonna be hard to sleep tonight! LOL So anyway..I like write so I thought i'd share my excitme here instead of all over twitter. I have alot of respect for Jon so I wont post it public that I got a DM I'm only sharing this w/those who are closest to me. Because I know you girls are happy for me..and I love you all so much.

Shanna is heaven...she's feeling so fine!
One day..that boys gonna be mine! LOL

Love you all!!
Shanna

I took a nap earlier...and this is what I dreamed about.

Once again my dad was in the dream, but this time I think that he was there to let me know that he's watching over me.

I dont know why everyone was at my grandma's house but, my mom, my dad,my grandma, my uncles and aunts..and donnie. The dream was kinda fuzzy like..it was almost a dream but not a dream..hard to explain.

All of a sudden...everyone in the room disappeared except for me and D.
"D, where did everyone go?" I asked him. "Shanna..they've faded because you're faith in them has faded, but you can bring them back.." "Donnie..then why didnt you disappear? Why didn't I?" I asked. "Shanna you have a strength and courage and so much love that is built up inside of you..and that love..and you're love for me..is what kept us both here."

I wept. Donnie held me for the longest time. Giving me words of encouragement and praise. He was a true comfort. We talked for a long time. I told him all about my dad passing away, my mom's medical issues, my grandma's cancer, and the fact that my family was seperated by years of grudges and hate. Donnie reassurred me that just because he doesn't see me on twitter all the time..that he did truly love me. I told him I understood and no matter how frustrated I got..I would never...ever give up on him.

Donnie hugged me...I was crying on his shoulder..and he whispered..."I love you truly..my lover and best friend"

Then...I woke up.

Kinda sad..Kinda sweet..Hell I don't know..but..enjoy the read!

My Letter To Jon......

Dear Jon,

I've spent so many nights..thinking about what I'd say to you. Wondering if you would even care. You don't know who I am..and I really don't know you. But there's this feeling inside of me that just wont let me go. It scares the hell out of me because sometimes..I think I really am going crazy.

I miss you when you don't tweet...and I get worried about you. Silly huh? I never meant for this to become what it has for me. I never thought that my admiration for you would grow into this....I know without one question or doubt that I'm in love with you. Its because of that...I want to know you..I want to be there for you. There is a quote that I've read so many times.."If you can't get someone out of your head..then maybe..they are supossed to be there." I wish this wasn't true..but for me I feel like it is. There is a reason that God sent me to this twitter thing..and well..it was you.

If you really were to read this I'm sure you'd not be pleased at the thought that someone could love you without even knowing you. This is why it scares me..I'm afraid that I will let this go so far..that I'll compare every man I ever meet to you..and if they don't measure up..I won't give them a chance. I don't wanna live like that.

Jon my only wish is that someday I'll be able to meet you..and maybe kindle a special friendship..(sure there are lots of people who'd want the same thing) but I believe there is something here..you don't see it..hell i'm not sure if I see it..but I know God has a reason for this.

So, with no expectations...no high hopes..I write this because it's more than just some "Fan Letter". These are my true feelings..this is what my heart is telling me to say. Jon, sometimes we can't help what our heart feels..believe me..I didnt want to fall in love with you..I only wanted to admire and respect you..but to me..as silly as this is..I feel like loving you this way...is disrespecting you.

Never would I ever want you to be angry with me or think that I'm just some crazy girl from kentucky that likes NKOTB. So as I end this.....


Jon I love you, I admire you..I do respect you...and if that's wrong..then they can take my heart..and throw it away because it won't be worth feeling it beat ever again.


Love,

Shanna

My real life...Ddub Rub.

Ok everyone knows how much in love I am with Jon..however..Donnie has a special place in my heart..Hell..Donnie Wahlberg has my soul!! So..this is my little story..about me..and the sexified love..we could share. LOL

It was summer 2010. Me and the girls we're in Boston for a concert and meet and greet. I was finally gonna see my guys...hang with my girls..and party my little ass off! So, we were at the meet and greet. I hugged my Jon baby..kissed and hugged all the guys..got autographs..blah blah ok..LOL The last guy...was Dub..I hugged him so tight..he said " wow baby..that was an awesome hug!" "D I have 20 years of loving to give you..you ready?" He grinned that sexy hellafine.com grin. He said. "Girl..you smell so damn good..pretty too..how about we hang out after the concert?" I said "Sure D..I'd love that!"

So the concert kicked ass! We were rocking all night! D even gave me a special grin during "Sexify My Love". Chills went all over my body. A bodyguard came up to me..as the guys were singing their final song. "My dear..D wants you to come backstage and wait for him." "Ok!!" I said. So I was escorted to a secret corridor beneath the stage..to a breakroom. It wasn't long after that..the guys came in. D was covered in sweat.."You guys were awesome!" I said. They all hugged and kissed me again..and all but D left to get cleaned up.

D led me to another little room..a hidden room. "C'mon baby..come be with me for awhile." "Wait here..while I get cleaned up." He said. "Ok D..I'll be here. If you think I'm leaving..you are nuts!" I said laughing. "Be ready.." He said as he turned and left the room. The butterflies in my stomach were getting worse..as I thought.."What's about to happen?" I pondered the possiblities. Just as I was lost in my little daydream..."Shanna.." he said. I turned around there was D in nothing but a towel. "Oh..uh..." I said. I was speechless. He was still wet..the water was dripping down his chest..his stomach..OMG!!

D turned me around and said. "I'm gonna give you a very special Ddub rubdown..baby.." He starts to sing the BR song as he rubs my shoulders. (Is it hott in here? LOL) He kisses me gently on my neck..my shoulders..chills were all over me. He turned me around to face him. He cupped my face in his hands..looked deep into my eyes and kissed me softly on the lips. I could feel the passion stirring inside of me. "D...I want to make love with you..Is that wrong?" I asked. "No baby..not when the feeling is mutual." He said. "D..get ready because I'm gonna make up for 20 long years...of not having you.." I said. D smiled...and we kissed..harder..faster..deeper. He layed me down on the bed..on top of me..our bodies grinding together.

He kissed my neck..ran his tongue down to my breasts..kissed and suckled them. I could feel him getting "hard" (OMG am I really writing this!) He licked and kissed every inch of my body..I was writhing in anticipation. "D..I'm ready..." I said softly. He reached over and clasped both my hands in his. Held me down..and then..I could feel all of him inside me. It was utter extasy. Harder..Faster..and Deeper we went..lets just say..he gave new meaning to "Rise N Grind" (Dayum!) The big "O" came many times for me that night..D was in extasy too..because he kept whispering in my ear.."My lover..I love you..YUP" (Geez I'm cheating on my baby!! LOL)

A few hours later...it was over. D and I layed there together cuddling..kissing..caressing each other. "Shanna...you were wonderful tonight." He said. "D...so were you baby..and this is a night I'll never forget." I said softly. All of a sudden he started laughing. I said. "What?!" He said "What are you gonna tell your man Jon?" "OMG!..D..you are silly..Yes Jon has my heart..but baby..you've got my soul..and now my whole body." I said with a smile. "D I have to go now.." I said. "Shanna...please dont ever forget this night..and I know for sure..I'll be seeing you again." He smiled and said. We hugged and kissed goodbye..

Ok so now you know...Jon is my heart...but Donnie Wahlberg..is my soul.

I think I need to write some hott ones about Danny, Joe and Jordan..LMAO!!

ENJOY!!!